The strained relationship between Benji and his father is not a blatantly obvious focus in the chapter "To Prevent Flare-Ups," but it is repeatedly hinted at by seemingly normal interactions which still put us readers off a bit. The sound of the liquor cabinet magnet is one example; it's a normal sound but through Benji's uneasy reaction to it we can pick up hints about his dad's alcoholism. An interesting argument brought up about their relationship is whether it is an abusive father-son relation or rather just tough love.
In particular I'm thinking of the scene in which Benji's father tells him to hit the kid that was making racial comments, and upon learning that Benji hadn't done so, he hit Benji instead. I guess this action could be interpreted as Benji's father teaching Benji that no one is on his side in the world so he must take action to defend himself against racism; it's just his father being tough on him because he cares and wants him to grow as a person. Benji does end up following through on his father's advice and hitting the kid, so I suppose the tough love thing worked out?
I don't really see that as the case. Judging by his fathers alcoholic tendencies and the way he treats Benji's mother as well, it seems like he's just abusive. The way he lashes out at Benji's mother for not getting plastic plates, the complaints written in the notebook about his alcoholism and tendencies for sudden outbursts of rage, as well as the off-putting reactions of Benji's mother's friends when his father is mentioned--all of these point towards an abusive relationship between Benji's father and mother. For someone with a track record for abuse, I think it's safe to assume the "tough love" he gives Benji is probably just regular abuse. After all, if he treats his wife that poorly, why would he treat his son any better?
I agree. The father is abusive, which is sad because we can tell that benji never feels safe or comfortable in his home. I wonder if his abusive habits are linked to alcohol or if he would be abusive in general too. benji seems to link it with alcohol.
ReplyDeleteIt is probably him being abusive because he not only does the "tough love" thing with Benji, he also does it with Reggie as well. Then calling your own son "shithead" is just another all down low. So what if he got two relatively bad grades, but that doesn't mean you give your son such an awful nickname. I really hate reading books like that where the kid doesn't even feel comfortable in his own home.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think the father is abusive - even Benji's mother refers to him as abusive in the note she finds. The fact that the whole family waits in anxiousness just hoping for him to not lash out, and that Reggie even avoids coming home when his dad is there, and the language the dad uses when attacking Benji's mother for buying the wrong cup - it all points to abuse.
ReplyDeleteCompletely agree. Additionally I think the book really illustrates the nuance behind his father's character well without making us sympathize with him. We can discern the motivation behind his abuse sometimes without agreeing with it. I think a lot of authors are afraid to toe this line, so they make their villains entirely black-and-white, 100% evil out of fear of backlash, so I really commend Whitehead for not being afraid of tackling tough issues.
ReplyDeleteI also think it's abusive. It's just that life is complicated. It is not an excuse for the dad but there are many factors playing into his parenting like his childhood and possible guilt about raising venki a certain privileged way
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the scene of Benji's dad punching him, I had to reread to make sure that I was reading it correctly. When I read that it was indeed Benji's father, I cringed in disgust. I didn't understand how his dad could do that to him when Benji had just experienced racism for the first time, he should've used this as a learning experience, to help Benji understand not to hit him.
ReplyDeleteI can't see Benji's father's actions as tough love. For me, tough love would be something like letting Benji feel the consequences of his actions instead of warning him in advance. But resorting physical violence after the matter is plain abusive. Yes, it might work, but for the wrong reason. Benji says he learned to fear his dad, not to stick up for himself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I feel like the line between just tough love and actual abuse is physical hitting. If Benji's father had just let him continually let Benji suffer the consequences about not actively trying to stick up for himself, rather than doing anything to try to help, I feel like that would be tough love.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how Benji's father sees his actions. Would he think that he's setting a good example of masculinity and confidence, or would he know that his actions are too violent?From a reader's perspective, Benji's father is obviously an abuser because the entire family lives in fear of his angry outbursts. Even if he was trying to teach his children strength through a "tough love" parenting philosophy, everyone sees Benji's father as a dangerous and violent man.
ReplyDeleteAs everyone else here has said: it's definitely abuse. I think that the reason that Ben doesn't focus much on it is because he doesn't see it as an important part of his coming of age, that he was able to ignore it until his father was no longer a threat to him.
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